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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Zombie's LiveJournal:

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Monday, October 8th, 2012
10:31 am
Beep, beep-beep-beep
So I should be reading and writing for a homework assignment right now, but I thought to myself “hey, I’ll post to livejournal instead,” because, you know, that’s a real good idea. I’m full of those, if you didn’t know, good ideas. And other things, like organs, but mostly good ideas.

I wrote another poem, which I will transcribe here for you later. We’ve been studying sonnets in my English Ren Lit class, which is always fun. I always get all high-falooten when I start reading poetry from that time period and write with a funny accent. I enjoy it, but I know it might be inflicting a bit much on other people.

Speaking of people, I’m sorry I haven’t had more time to hang out recently, but school has just been eating away at my very being. That and I’ve been spending a lot of time with this amazing new girl I met, who is incredibly fun to talk with. So sue me, she’s nicer to look at than most of you guys.

Anyway, here’s that poem:
My mind is awander;
Distracted by your eyes,
While the educated cries
Her knowledge to ponder.

And though I’m interested,
In this discussion enraptured;
My mind is captured,
My heart you’ve arrested.

But by and by I’ll have you
Held tight and true,
As into my arms you flew.

Sweet kisses on gentle brow,
My soaring sprits know how
I need you here with me now.
Thursday, August 2nd, 2012
11:31 pm
New Tattoo
A new bit of body-art.

http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b306/Zombiemans/20120802231756.jpg

Like all good bits of art, there are layers of meaning in there for those who know where to look. I'll leave that to the viewer to comprehend.

Really am looking forward to that trip to Oregon in a weeks time. Can't wait to hang out with Chelsea and Sven for an entire week+. I really am looking forward to sitting down with Sven and going over the things we've missed in each-others life.

Hung out with Dave the other night, which is always good for a bit of a lark. Talked about philosophy, politics, and religion over the course of several drinks, which definitely is a fun time. He brought up some interesting questions regarding my world-view which bare looking into. I'll put them up here so I don't forget to return to them some time in the near future.

A good portion of my beleif centers around the fact that, as sentient creatures, humans have the right to individual agency. We worked it out as such:

P -> Q
Q -> R
P -> R

Where P is Humans, Q is sentience, and R is personal agency. The question being, and maybe I'm extracting this a bit as I don't remember the conversation in its entirety and am a bit into my cups right now, is P -> R begging the question? Because I'm taking on faith that sentient creatures deserve personal agency, and that humans are the only sentient creatures on this planet. It might seem like a rather simplistic distinction, and that is how I approach the issue, but on a philosophic level it bares a bit more fleshing out to really cement it as a concrete concept. Or I might be misrepresenting the argument entirely. I should get to sleep and return to this in the future.
Wednesday, August 1st, 2012
6:44 pm
Another day, another space-buck
It feels rather odd posting two entries in the span of a month.

In other news, I’m rather looking forward to my vacation(s) this coming month. Should be a good bit of fun, getting out and seeing people I haven’t seen in a dog’s age. And some distractions from work would be nice, too.

Seriously, I really do need more distractions from work.

Otherwise, I think I’m coming to terms with the fact that I don’t need the comfort of a relationship to actualize myself as a person. I knew, have known, that, but it is something you forget when you’re in a relationship for a long period of time. Just becoming more comfortable in my own skin, I guess.

Right-o. All for now, I guess.
Tuesday, July 17th, 2012
4:40 pm
Blargh
I almost didn’t write this. I have a million and one other things I need to be doing for the military, and finding the time to write a livejournal post seemed like a silly thing to spend my time on.

I have a teleconference in half an hour that should last anywhere from 2 ½ hours to 4 hours long, depending on how much stuff people want to argue about. I’m going to get hammered by the battalion staff and commander tonight because our unit, my unit, is the only one in the battalion which is delinquent on all the areas we’re not supposed to be delinquent in. Hurray me. That after a weekend of nothing going right is just what I need.

Work problems aside, I read an interesting article on friendship as one gets older (http://www.nytimes.com/2012/07/15/fashion/the-challenge-of-making-friends-as-an-adult.html?pagewanted=1&_r=2&seid=auto&smid=tw-nytimes). It really resonated with me, as I find myself drifting away from all of the friends that I’ve made in college and finding few enough people to fill the void. The fact that I leave for a year or so and don’t keep in touch while I’m gone doesn’t really help matters all that much, but it still stings to know that there are maybe a handful of people I would really call a “friend.” And out of all of them, I talk to only a few fairly regularly.

I can only think of one person who I’ve actually had a chance to vent openly with in the past 3 months. One person who I’ve actually talked about some of the things that have been churning in my guts for the past year since I’ve gotten home.

I don’t know, maybe I need to meet more people.
Tuesday, April 3rd, 2012
2:17 am
Cages
Trapped in a cage
And no matter how much I rage
Against these deranged thoughts
My body still rots.

I pay no attention
To the nature of this detention.
I’m still focused on my jailor
And not the truth of my failure.

Sitting in this elaborate cell
I’m the creator of my very own hell
And while thoughts ferment
I rail against my torment

Hopefully I’ll get out,
If I can learn about
The nature of my prison
And find myself risen

Above these petty dreams
And their melodramatic themes.
Wednesday, February 29th, 2012
1:32 am
Blorg
Where am I going?
In a dingy, rowing.
Out to sea with no preserver.
Life has lost so much fervor.

Or is that me,
Content to mildness, I be.
These sentences, so backward,
I spend my days feeling so awkward.

And so life repeats
More of the same old feats.
I find myself abashed
That the mind wanders to the past.

My friends are that
I would to them a tip of the hat.
They’re always there
For in my troubles share.

Where am I going?
For my troubles, what do I have showing?
Just a broken heart
And another brand new start.
Wednesday, January 11th, 2012
12:15 am
What a day.
What a fucking mess.

It’s funny. I was talking with someone on facebook earlier, and they had mentioned how nice their day was going because of all the small pleasant things that had happened to them over the course of the day. I guess mine would be the same way, but instead of small pleasant things, I have insidious terrible things.

I get to drive up to Saugerties tomorrow because I forgot things up there during the weekend, and I need to unbugger the stuff that’s going on with my full time staff. I bought the wrong kind of ink for my printer (I need Cannon 226, and I got Cannon 221), which puts me out 60 bucks. I broke the god-damn glass for this picture frame I got, just by pushing it back into place like it’s SUPPOSED to be used. I have a report to do and need to wake up early tomorrow, but decided instead to rant a bit for all two of the people who read this.

Yeah, but where does complaining really get us? Nowhere, I suppose. Ah well.

Current Mood: annoyed
Monday, October 24th, 2011
10:18 pm
Dark Road
The road stretches on
In the dark of beyond
The trees loom overhead
With mouths agape and words unsaid.

One foot in front of its brother
Eyes seeking out the Other.
The shadows play a game
But I don’t know its’ name.

The wind whistles low
Leaves stirring in an echo
The spidery branches stir
Whipping about in a blur.

The path in front cloaked in shadow
The road behind dead and fallow
How shall I ever know
In a circle I do not go?

I don't think I have to spend much time explaining this one. I think we all go down the road of depression from time to time, that sort of paranoia following each of us down it.

Maybe the next poem will be a happy one!
Friday, October 21st, 2011
11:09 pm
Time, how she flies.
Flarg… it has been a bit since I’ve used this silly journal, hasn’t it dear reader?

Yes, no, don’t answer that. That was what they call a rhetorical question. No need to bother over subtleties there.

Many things have occurred in the life of the Zombie. Some things have been… good… some things have been… bad. I shall not go into them here, for why bother? It isn’t as though I’ll remember the circumstances anyway. Unless I do, in which case it’ll be better if I don’t.

Maybe I’ll write some bad poetry about it at a later time. That might help me remember. Need to be more emotional for that to happen, first. I’ll need to work on that (ha ha, sarcasm, you so funny). No, no, I think it’ll be easier to just be a cold, unfeeling automaton. Those are the best kind of automatons. Maybe I’ll write some bad poetry about that.

Eventually, when I get around to it. One of these days, one of these days.
Sunday, July 24th, 2011
2:53 pm
Plrfl
Sometimes you miss
A gentle kiss.
Other times you wish
You weren’t so selfish
As to hold so tight
Yet feel so slight

In action and deed.
A contrast indeed
From heart then to word
Hoping to be heard
But unable to say
Whatever you may.

Still I do miss
That gentle kiss
And those arms around
Banishing my frown
A comfort to be sure
With my sweetest treasure...
Monday, April 25th, 2011
12:17 am
A few words from our sponsors
So, here are a couple more terrible pieces of literary butchery to amuse the masochist in all of you who read this stuff.

I watch the fire askance
And see the smoke dance.
It reminds me of you,
Of how I lost you too.

And in the night I see
Amidst the fire-light a sea,
And I’m afloat and free,
But you just won’t let me be.

And all these tunes are nothing
They just stir my heart to something,
And in the fire-light I ask
Where ever I found this mask.

And in the night I see
Amidst the fire-light a sea,
And I’m afloat and free,
But you just won’t let me be.

And in the smoke there’s you.
Spinning and dancing too.
I turn away,
But still you sway.

And in the night I see,
Amidst the fire-light a sea,
And I’m afloat and free,
But you just won’t let me be.

I stare into the fire,
And am stuck in this mire,
That reminds me of your bright light
As hard as I try and fight.

I wrote this while my plane was landing in LGA after a conference in Missouri. It was late, almost 11 in the pm, and the lights of long island reminded me of a swirling sea of tiny candles. It’s a beautiful site, one I’ll not soon forget. But, like anything beautiful, there are painful memories attached. Too many were the times that she met me at the airport, coming back from trips like that one, or at the apartment after I had gotten back.

The dregs of humanity
Are in a way my family
As tonight we wander
These streets and ponder
How we got to this
Such streets as these.

Glittering lights glow
Advertisements shining to and fro
They beckon us to decadence
But leave us with only penance
Some of us mutter and hiss
Something others pretend to miss.

So these streets I walk
But to my fellow dregs I do not talk
For they are all mad
And I can see how they need a fix bad
For those ringing sounds
Paid for with flesh by the pounds.

After walking the streets of Atlantic City, NJ, for a week, you get to see a bit of the local color of the place. It’s rather frightening, I have to say, the addiction apparent in so many of the faces of the people there. Hearing the arguments of the people in the room next to mine at 11pm or having people beg for coins on the street, knowing they’ll be using it on the nearest slot machine.

I’ve written more, but that will come later. Time for sleep, right this moment.
Tuesday, March 22nd, 2011
9:49 pm
Two for one deal
So, here are a couple of poems I wrote recently. Yayyyy, bad poetry.

I tell myself I'm through
Listening to the insensible and untrue
frequently when it appears
As logic and reason premiers.

This madness in my heart
Will tear me apart
As I turn a deaf ear
And try to quell my fear.

"I'm smarter then this" I say
And tell myself it'll be ok
But the logic and reason
Still just feels like treason.

I wrote this on the train on my way back from watching Chicago in the city. I went alone, and felt rather depressed about this fact, mostly because I had a rather interesting date a couple of nights prior and was hoping she would join me for the evening out. She didn't, and I felt this over-riding sense of bitterness as a result, which really had no logical basis. Hence the poem.

In a city such as this
It's easy to miss
All the faces of people you see
As about our business we flee

So take a moment
And you can be a proponent
Of staring into a face
That you might otherwise miss.

These wrinkles and those freckles
Or maybe those speckles
Show a world of difference
In a world of indifference.

So take a moment to see
The sea of humanity
And all the stories untold
That a singe face can unfold.

I wrote this sitting in a bier-garden in Brooklyn outside of another play. I was a bit morose, but after scanning the crowd and seeing all the various sorts of people drinking and talking found myself amazed. It's a curious bunch you can find in a place like Brooklyn or Manhattan, and the stories that each person can tell you always make me wonder about the next.

That's it for now. Thank you for reading.
Sunday, February 20th, 2011
12:12 pm
Yoo-hoo, over here
I'm still alive. A bit more ragged for wear, but alive.

Hopefully this continues into next week.

That is all.

Current Mood: crazy
Wednesday, January 12th, 2011
10:36 am
Blork blark bleck
I woke up this morning with a beautiful poem on the tip of my tongue after dreaming about falling in love. Annnnd then it evaporated by the time I hit the snooze button for the third time and crawled out of bed to go work out.

I know, I know, posting again? It’s almost becoming some sort of habit, one might say! They would be lying, of course. Filthy buggers.

No, I’m really just running out of things to do. Only so many webcomics out there, and no one is online when I am to chat with me on facebook or… well, I only really ever chat on facebook. I suppose I could write an e-mail or two. Maybe the purple monkey who runs the dishwasher down the hall would like to hear from me.

I am very excited about coming back home and being able to say hello to people. The consumption of human flesh may or may not be held off until I get to do that. We shall have to see what sort of mood I’m in at the time.

I think I shall go and converse with the dark gods who are buried beneath the sands, now.
Sunday, December 26th, 2010
12:00 pm
Narrrrr
I wrote this poem about three years ago. I think I posted it on my livejournal a while ago, but when I look back through 2007, I can't seem to find it. Sooooo now I post it again! Bwahahahahaha!

I like it (this poem).

I spent my day sitting in the sun,
Laying about and having fun.
Twin stars shining down on me,
But I never sought a tree.

I watch the clouds flitter past
Worrying about the shadows they cast.
Will the rain come?
And whence from?

But I know I won’t run
Even should the weather turn,
Because a heart must learn
To look for its’ sun.

Reading old journal entries is surreal. They go back 6 years, to when I was a Sophmore in college. Was I that person? I don't even remember him.
2:23 am
Holiday Season
I usually view Christmas as a day of time that you spend with your family. For those who know me well know that I spend little enough time around my family. A day here, a day there over the course of a year doesn’t add up to very much, so I always try my best to spend Christmas with them if I can. That has made this Christmas one of the harder ones to endure, mostly because of the lack of that one fact. I’m not a religious person, the very opposite of that really, but I do have some stringent ethical and moral prerogatives which drive me. One of those is the idea of sharing and giving of yourself to those who you consider your friends and family.

I have to say that the support people have given me this Christmas season has been appreciated. Thank you to each and every one of you who sent me a box for Christmas. I’ve appreciated the thought and contents of each of these boxes more then you’ll know.

I hope everyone enjoyed their Christmas as well, and that those who got shirts from me liked them.

The New Year is coming soon, and I’m looking forward to what that will bring for all of us. 2011, eh? We keep pushing on into the future. Drink a pint for me at your New Year’s party.
Thursday, December 23rd, 2010
12:38 pm
Woo, more bad poetry!
The continuation of a poor tradition of writing melodramatic poetry when the mood strikes me. I wrote this after realizing Kate had put pictures of us on the MP3 player she had given me. I guess this is a feeling most of us go through when we break up with someone we were close with for a long time. Enjoy.



I look at that picture of you

And am reminded of how true

Our feelings were back then

You were my best friend.



I look at that picture of you

And remember that feeling of new

That we shared together

Which would last forever



I look at that picture of you

And am reminded of how we grew

Apart, and the anger

That gave me such languor.



I look at that picture of you

And remind myself anew

That I must move on

And that life is done and gone



On an unrelated note, I wish my professors from my undergraduate degree would e-mail me back and let me know if they would be willing to write me a letter of recommendation. Waiting on the one to respond is most aggravating.
Saturday, November 27th, 2010
2:04 pm
Another day
The days march on and the weeks float lazily past, like the clouds which drift so high above. I have yet to see any kind of rainfall over here, which makes me wonder. We were supposed to have hit the rainy season by now.

I find myself enjoying the tedium, in my own way. It would be nice if I got to have a bit more time to myself, but that’s the nature of things. The busier you are, the faster the time flies past. Or, at least that’s what I tell myself.

I started writing about a new world for a D&D game today, mapping it out and creating the background for it. I find myself ripping off more and more of the various fantasy-based genre’s I’ve read/experienced the more I write. It seems like the older I get, the less original I become. Still, I’m pleased with how the thing is turning out thus far. Who knows, maybe it’ll be done by the time I get home and I can talk some people into a few games.

Need to try and buy those tickets for Comic-con in San Diego. I keep trying to get into online shopping to no avail. There just isn’t anything online I really need. Though, I did buy the starter set from Green Smoke for an electric cigarette. You talked me into it, Mikey. You and my lungs.

Hrn, that’s enough rambling for tonight. Good night you crazy lot.
Friday, November 12th, 2010
1:07 pm
Heading back
The urge to bitch, moan, whine, and complain is an overwhelming one. It is not enough to post a single sentence on facebook bemoaning the fact that I have to go back to a relatively decent job which I am over-paid for.

Basically the reason I’m complaining so much is because I have to leave friends and family. You guys have been quite awesome this past week, and have made my life all the more enjoyable for being there with me every day along the way. I wouldn’t have enjoyed this time I’ve had without you, your support, and your crazy antics. Thank you, Joe, for staying up until 6 in the am playing games and whatnot. Thank you Drew for eating delicious Indian food with me and letting me crash at your place. Thank you, Garrett, for those games of CoH. Thank you, Amanda for an awesome lunch and coffee. Thank you, Izzy, for hanging out and the pints. Thank you, Jeremy and Jenn for taking me out for that yummy sushi and letting me steal Jeremy for a comedy show. Thank you, Ryan and James for coming out that Friday night. Thank you, Mikey, for being there for me and being the friend I need. And thanks to all the other people who hung out and did things with me, even if it didn’t fit neatly into your schedule.

It’ll be a while until I’m back, another half a year, but I look forward to coming back and hanging out with each and every one of you. My work over-seas isn’t so bad, but the fact that it takes me away from you guys is what makes it suck the most.
Tuesday, October 19th, 2010
2:30 pm
Grumble
So, I am finding myself continuously aggravated by the various small things around this place.

Silly, stupid things… like the fact that the keyboard on my computer sucks, or that the internet in this place sucks, or the fact that I’m so close to losing out on this coming promotion board because someone a couple of years ago didn’t do their job. All these small aggravations have a way of compounding, solidifying into one amalgamous mass of anger. And that… I have to stifle and ignore, with no good way to release it.

I need to start looking at various anger management techniques. Repression really is not helping me much. Anyone have any advice about how they deal with all the little aggravations which pile up along the months?
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